It’s crazy that in under 9 hours I will be having a c-section and little A will be making her way into this world. The real question you may have is why the heck am I awake? Well depending on the time of day you read this you may not but for the record it’s 4:20 am. I think the only time I’m ever awake this early is when I am travelling. I can’t eat anything 8 hours prior to the surgery so I woke up to make sure I ate something this morning since my surgery isn’t until 1 pm. Why is it when I’m forced to eat I struggle wanting to eat? I wasn’t hungry but managed to eat some cereal and almost a whole apple with orange juice. I know for a fact this won’t hold me over till 1 or later but oh well. I think the surprising thing is I can’t even have water to drink. I know this means I’ll feel dehydrated all morning. Why is it when water isn’t avaliable to you and you know it’s not your suddenly dying of thirst?
For the most part I feel good about things right now. I have Avery’s bag packed, books and magazines to take, the baby book is filled out with all the info I can add right now, and mentally I think I’m prepared as good as I’m going to be. The past few days have been rough for me. Through this whole pregnancy I knew at some point I’d be a parent but now the reality is here and this week has been an emotional one. No one ever told me you will get emotional when it sets in that you are going to be a parent. This realization truly set in on Monday at 4 pm. I started crying realizing that Chad and I’s life and relationship are going to be completely different this point forward.It will never be about me anymore (which is the current set up in this house) and we can’t just decide on doing something (not that we are super spontaneous people or anything). Now we are responsible for another person and she is our number 1 priority. Once Chad got home from work he soothed my nerves. Yesterday I got emotional thinking about the birth of Avery. I’ve heard with a c-section you don’t get to see the baby for a while and I started crying and the thought of holding her for the fist time. These are all tears of joy but life is about to change so much for us I couldn’t help but let it all process and get emotional about it. Now that it has I’m ready for parenthood.
I won’t miss being pregnant. I’ve had a pretty smooth pregnancy minus the swollen feet/legs. I feel fortunate in that aspect but the last week or so has been bad. I know they say the 9th month is the hardest but I was imagining something a lot worse. The constant heartburn (and this week throwing up from the heartburn) and the backaches I am happy to be done with. Forgetting how large my stomach is and running into things is also something I won’t miss. I think the only part of the pregnancy I will miss is feeling her move and watching my stomach move when she has the hiccups.
Pretty soon I’ll be a mom and I’m ready for motherhood. I obviously have fears and concerns but I’m excited to see how parenthood changes me and how one person can make such an impact on our lives. I hope that the dogs love her and that we can be one big happy family of 7. haha. Once I’m home from the hospital I’ll make sure to update with the birthing story and formally introduce little Miss Avery to the world. For now I’m going to try and get a few more hours of sleep!